The Rocks and the Blue Mountains

Sydney Day 2

Botany Bay and Sydney area

Daintree, Eclipse, Kuranda, Cairns

Port Douglas and the Daintree

Cape Byron and a bit of the Gold Coast

Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary - Brisbane

11/11 -Gold Coast Beaches and the Easternmost point in Australia

So this morning I'm up bright and early and the ultimate hostess makes me instant coffee that was unbelievably good...and i don't lift a finger during the process. You might think I'm exaggerating - but I drank a lot of instant coffee in various hotels and such while I was here - and none of it was like L's. Sun is shining, birds are singing and its time for another adventure. Let me just mention the birds. They are brightly colored, big, and everywhere - its quite clear Em is not in Kansas (or anywhere in the continental US for that matter).

Soon enough we are off to see the easternmost point in Australia which is quite lovely - and we run across the ubiquitous japanese tourists :).

 We continue by viewing some beautiful beaches......and come to a place where i can be in two timezones at the same time. There's a casino where we waste a small bit of money.....and then its back to the house as my suitcase has been promised. Not to say that I wasn't prepared for lost luggage, but it will be nice to have a few what to wear options available :). Interspersed with the various sightseeing is icecream and cookies (biscuits in Oz) and all I can say is that if I lived in this country, I'd be even larger than I am......although I'm not much for sweets - these are not too sweet- they are just right, and the ice cream and gelato clearly comes from very happy cows. Did I mention the fish and chips?

The evening ends up with an out to dinner with L's adult kids who are marvelous - not surprising considering that their mum is quite awesome herself. And once again, its off to bed early for this girl - I don't know if its jetlag or just that the days are so full of activity....but I can tell you that the early to bed theme continued throughout my entire trip.

11/10 - A Long Way From Home - Brisbane

First off, let me say that I am the luckiest woman on the planet to have such amazing friends all over the world who are willing to look after me on holiday (see, I've picked up some Aussie already). The flights weren't the easiest (they shall get their own blog), but there is nothing in this world more wonderful than getting met at the airport.....really truly. So, no matter what your friends say about not bothering to pick them up - do it if you can.
So I come off the plane, clear Australian customs (which was an experiment where I got to use the automatic entry machine even though I'm American - and a successful one because I got through in less than 10 minutes), didn't have to get my luggage because it didn't travel with me (another blog).....walk through the security and find a familiar face waiting.
Who cares about luggage? We're off to see koalas and kangaroos and wombats and tasmanian devils and even the platypus put on a show for me. A quick driving tour of Brisbane was included in the welcome package - but it was a bit drizzly so we didn't go out and about. Then there's a stop at a mall to grab me an extra set of clothes just in case mine really don't arrive the next day, the liquor store because John's GF enjoys a drink once in a while just as I do, and eventually we end up at this beautiful house that is exactly what I'd want if I lived in the Gold Coast, where John cooks up a delightful Shepherds Pie to go with our adult beverages, and his GF feeds the kookaburras so I can get a closeup.
I went to bed with a smile on my face.......because it was so incredibly wonderful and amazing and beautiful and darn near perfect.
You wouldn't think it could get any better, would you? But it did......

10/28 - Its the end of the world as we know it.....

At least that's what the forecasters would have us believe.  Fortunately for the DC area, it looks like Sandy is going to turn a bit further north - back to the original prediction that it would nail NY/NJ.  I feel badly for those folks, but I'm very glad not to take a direct hit.  I'm old enough to remember Hurricane Agnes back in the 1970s - it wasn't so much the wind as it was the rain - they had to open the dam and we had severe flooding...wiped out a bridge and the city swimming pool and made the next town over an island until the water came down.

I've put the lawn furniture away and am debating moving my car in front of the house where its not so close to the neighbors less than healthy big tree......but then again - at the moment it has the protection of the neighbors less than healthy big truck as well :)

I'm in the process of catching up with my laundry, I've been to the store and have plenty of adult beverages, milk, bread and toilet paper. I've also got plenty of things that can be eaten cold since my range is electric.   Everything is plugged in and charging and I've got a full tank of gas in the car.

We were encouraged to bring our laptops home so that if the weather was bad we could work from home (assuming we have power).  That's kind of silly for me being only a few miles from the office - but its a nice option to have if the weather is scarily bad or a tree  comes down and blocks the road.

Speaking of trees - I took a look at the big white pine out back and I only see one big branch that might blow loose - and if it does, I don't expect it to hit the house.  But I also have a big dead tree of some sort in the farthest corner of my yard - and I suppose that one could go- hopefully towards the county parkland rather than my house.

This morning started off cloudy and you could feel there was something odd going on....and now the temperature has dropped dramatically and the winds have picked up......the furkids sense something happening and are a bit alarmed......and I can imagine how terrifying it must have been in the days before we could predict these storms and their paths..

 As annoying as the past few days have been with the nonstop coverage of what is NOT going to be the end of the world no matter what the forecasters might want us to think, I"m grateful to live in the information age.  Thanks to science, I'm forewarned and forearmed.

10;/27 - Seasons change, people change

This time of year I can see all the way down to the creek, and it tempts me to put a bench down there so I can sit and think and listen for the quiet trickle of water over the rocks.  The few inches deep few inches wide flow of water probably doesn't even qualify as a real stream....but its more than a lot of folks get to have in their yard.

 

This is a blog that's been bouncing around in the empty spaces of my head for quite a while....but I wasn't sure how to put something so personal out there without sounding whiny - or worse yet, hurting feelings.  I eventually decided that I need to share - and that as long as I don't link it to my Facebook  its unlikely that anyone involved will come across it.  Sometimes its good not to have many readers ;)

 

Let's start with a confession.  I have not seen my granddaughter, my son, or my DIL since August 25th when I attended a family party for her first birthday.  I guess you could say that the party was an awakening for me of sorts as to where I fit in the family social order.....and the answer wasn't what I was hoping for.  I was there for about an hour and a half and in that time I got close enough to little IM to take some pictures - I didn't have a chance to pick  her up, hug her, or even talk to her - that priviledge was reserved for her mom's family.  I left before presents were opened - and unfortunately I didn't choose wisely enough because unlike the others, my gift didn't make the party pictures nor did I hear any comments about it being good or bad or anything else. 

 

I know from googling that its not unusual for paternal grandmothers to feel left out - daughters are generally closer to their moms and the whole baby/child raising thing tends to be centered around the women of the family.  In this case, grandmother provides day care so little IM actually spends more time with Moga then she does with her own mother.   That's actually what happened with my own son growing up - but his father made sure that there was frequent contact with his family as well, even after we separated.  So I don't think I'm being unrealistic in terms of how things should be.

 

When I stop and think about it all, I'm frustrated to tears because I've honestly done my best to build a relationship with my son  that consists of more than the obligatory Christmas visit, but it hasn't worked.  I am welcome to come over and visit my granddaughter on Tuesday evenings when they hold open house for their friends......but as far as the visits being reciprocated its just not going to happen.

 

Its not just me - I don't discuss them with my father....but I'm pretty sure he hasn't seen any of them (or even gotten a picture or an email or a  note) since his birthday in June. 

 

OK, now I'm starting to sound whiny and I really don't mean to. Well, maybe I do just a bit and I'm sorry - I'm human. 

 

Whats important and pleasantly surprising is this - as long as I don't think about it - I'm really not bothered.  I have an awesome life - friends that truly love me even though they don't have to - and people who I know will be there for me - all I have to do is ask.

 

And that really is the definition of family - it has nothing to do with blood and everything to do with love.  I'm worth spending time with - if some people don't see that - its their loss, not mine.

 

10/17 - I haz a plethora

of disconnected stuff to write about today....even though it isn't "Thursday Thirteen", please bear with me.....

First off is that I am starting to accumulate things to try to make the 20some hours worth of travelling to Oz a bit less difficult.  I've purchased a new neck pillow and an eyemask/ear plug combination to help me get some sleep, I've got a couple dozen unread books in my Nook, and I've even bought melatonin to test out in advance.

Next is also travel related.  I've decided to cancel the 17 day cruise from Chile to LA and instead book a land trip that includes both Machu Picchu and Easter Island.  The cruiseline opened up the excursion they were offering to the ruins - and it was sold out in less than a day.  I"m currently on the waiting list, but as I started to do the math I realized it was a lot less expensive to do a tour of Peru - which was really all I wanted to see.  And then I discovered that I could tag Easter Island on there for not much more. Only downside is I'll have to spend a bit to get my FF miles reinstated - but its well worth it..  (Note to Amy - that doesn't mean I won't meet up with you out west if you'd like to go - it just means I can be a lot more flexible with when).....

We move on to my furkids.  I had a bad experience with my regular catsitter the last time I went away - I came back to the cats being just about out of food and litter boxes that looked untouched for at least five days.  So this time I'm hiring a service....not cheap, but still much less and more comfortable than boarding the demonic duo.  

Next is WeightWatchers.   I'm afraid that after dropping about 15 lbs everything stalled - and I got frustrated, stopped tracking and gained a couple back.  That said, I'm back on the "wagon" and I kind of look at it this way - if I can go through the lose 15 gain 2 cycle a few times....I'll eventually get to where I want to be so its worth sticking with it.  Note to Steph - I really do need to lay off the beer, though).

Remember the mole?  Well, he (or she or they for that matter) won.  I told you that the solar spike was worthless......well, the "mole deterrent" granules aren't any better - nor are the poison peanuts, it seems.  I've resigned myself to just living with the critters until the first freeze drives them deeper....next spring I'll try lawn insect killer to see if maybe I can get rid of whats got them so excited.  The grass seed I planted didn't fix everything, but the lawn is better than it was - I'll deal with the rest in the spring.

The debate?  Well, I wasn't going to watch it, but then I saw some tweets about how it was quite aggressive on both sides, so I changed the channel and it wasn't bad....at least I thought it showcased the difference between the two party platforms.  There were exaggerations and misstatements on both sides, which I expected - as well as the "after debate" claims by each side that the other lied.  What troubles me is the way that the media (and I mean ALL media here) tends to pick up one point to focus on and ignores the rest.  But I did find the binders of women very funny..

I have lots of other things to write about including my Renfest experiences, but this has rambled on longer than I intended so I'll save that for another post.

 

10/2/12 Nobody likes me, everybody hates me

ha

I know its not really that bad but it feels like it right about now.  Lets start with the furkids.  Today I took them both to the vet for a long overdue checkup.   That meant loading them into carriers and going for a trip in the car - neither of which is on the feline "good times" list.

Then there was an emergency which had the vet running a bit behind.  I let Batcat out of his carrier and he became a must be cuddled lapcat.  That would have been fine except that he never ever sits in a lap unless he is completely terrified in which case clouds of fur erupt with every stroke.

Jezebel sat quietly in her carrier - so quiet that I was a bit worried until she decided to bound out of the thing and investigate the doctors countertop......managing to smear herself with petroleum jelly before wedging herself behind the cotton ball dispenser. And of course with my new "lapcat" nailed (or more accurately clawed) to my body, I couldn't do much to stop her.

Eventually both suffered the necessary indignities of an exam, got their shots, and even got their nails trimmed as a "courtesy".....I guess the vet noticed the blood dripping from my arm.  Both are healthy although Batcat has gained a bit of weight so I need to cut back on his food.  I took them home and headed back to work.

They hate me at work.  OK, that IS an exaggeration, but I questioned an assignment that really doesn't belong to me - and after a day and a half of trying to get the folks who should be doing the work to review it......the response was - If I'm really overloaded they'll take it.

I said "Thank you" and handed the paperwork over.......and the look I got tells me they never thought I'd take them up on it.   Good thing they only THINK they are superheroes because if they could shoot bullets from their eyes - I'd be dead.

Damn, speaking of a bad day, Jezebel just knocked my glass of wine all over the desk - hang on a second.........

OK - I'm back.  Anyhow, I got home from work after a less than stellar day and called for the furkids....Jezebel showed up immediately, but I had a difficult time finding Batcat, and even when he did deign to poke his head out from wherever he was hiding, it was only to make it clear that I should just change the water, put out food and leave because he didn't want to see me.

Wait until he finds out I'm cutting rations......I sure hope HE can't shoot bullets from his eyes.......

9/25 - I've got another confession to make........

(stolen from the Foo Fighters - but I digress)

I skipped my 35 year high school reunion this weekend.  Yes, I said THIRTY FIVE year reunion....so I'm old - its not like you didn't already know that - let's move on.

Why didn't I attend?

First off - it was a dinner dance which generally sucks for me without a partner because dancing in a group of women while the men look on isn't cute after a certain age - it becomes creepily like a strip club only without dollar bills being tucked into your bra, doncha think?

And, it was on a Friday night - which made me think that few folks from out of town were going to be able to attend......and lets face it - those are the ones I'd want to see - I run into the local folk occasionally and we'd probably already be hanging out on a semi-regular basis if we were "friends".

The last reunion I went to was my 25th - I went to the "informal get together" which was held, if memory serves, the night before the dinner dance - had pleasant conversations catching up with a few  people I hadn't seen since the 15 year event, and finished up by having a private reunion with an old friend.......and I'll just smile and leave it at that.

 Even though people seem to remember me as much more interesting and cool than I was....I still don't enjoy reliving the past.  I prefer to reinvent myself every decade or so......and what I"m working on for my 50s will get its own blog at some point, I promise.

OK - so I didn't go....

However, thanks to the brilliance of Mark Zuckerberg  (Happy Yom Kippur by the way), my graduating class has a Facebook page that's sharing lots of pictures of the event.

And you know what - I don't recognize most of the faces - and the ones that I do think I might know  look either really old or impossibly young - like I married (or became) a plastic surgeon/personal trainer- young.  This was such a shock to me that I mentioned it at aerobics class - how did these people get so old?  And of course my friends laughed because they are much too polite to point out that I am old as well.

It took me a bit to figure out why I was so shocked.  Its not that I am unrealistic about aging, honest.  I know I look a lot older than I did in high school - even a lot older than I did in my 30s - unless we have incredibly good genes and ridiculous willpower to avoid all the fun stuff in life that ages us - we are going to get and look older.

The shock came because I haven't had any contact with these people for a very long time - so my frame of reference and expectations are skewed.  Classmates that I socialize with either in person or through Facebook may have changed in appearance every bit as much over 35 years, but its been gradual and so really not noticeable.

Or maybe its just that my friends don't age like other people - they still all look amazing no matter what their birth certificates say.

And yes, I'm talking about you ;).....

9/22 - Make new friends, but keep the old.....

One is silver and the other, in this case, is tri-color gold.

One of the most awesome things about my friends is that we can kinda pick up where we left off no matter how long its been since we talked.  Thats part of the reason that my Myrtle Beach vacation was so awesome....we all just kind of  "click".

Anyhow, I noticed a tri-color chain around my friends neck and it made me smile to remember the story behind it - and to smile even more to see that she still treasured the gift.

You see, a number of years ago, this friend was visiting up my way from South Carolina and she fell in love with this gold chain that I was wearing - just a fine twisted tricolor gold chain -- nothing special.  After she'd gone home to South Carolina, I happened to go into the same store and I saw the chain again.....so I bought another one and sent it down to her.  She was surprised and touched and very thankful, and I was glad to have made her happy.  But I never really thought about it again until I saw her and she was wearing that chain......and it was pretty clear that she wears it all the time just the way that I do mine.

Sometimes we have no idea how much impact our actions have.

And then again, sometimes its very clear. 

Heres my back yard three years ago - a couple months after I bought my house.

And here is pretty much the same view today

 

I'd forgotten how it used to look - so right now, once again, I'm smiling with pride at what I've managed....and I think if the trees could, they'd be smiling too.

 

9/20 Old Lady of the Sea

I just got back from a quick trip to visit my best bud, who has been my friend for more than 40 years and now lives in South Carolina.  We have another mutual friend who moved to Myrtle Beach some years ago, and we all shared a mini girls vacation at the beach.

It was wonderful - the weather was good (at least the first couple of days), the resort was nice,  but the best part was just being able to relax and enjoy each other's company.

And it reminded me just how much I love being able to hear and watch the ocean.   Many of my best memories are associated with the beach.......as a teen hanging under the parking deck of a condo complex sneaking cigarettes and beer.....trying to act sophisticated when I came across my first nude beach in Greece..... snorkeling with a manatee in Key Largo and with sea turtles in Hawaii.  Cresting a hill in the Sinai and discovering the amazing beaches of the Red Sea....the list goes on and on.

The ocean is everchanging - just take a look at the difference a day makes.....

Happy Ocean

 

                                                      Unhappy Ocean


Dealing with my fathers disability over the past few months has made me recognize that I need to think about my future and decide what I want while I still have the ability to make my own choices.   I love my house and the life that I've made for myself here in my hometown....but there will likely come a day when I just can't keep up with the demands of maintaining a house and a yard or perhaps I'll no longer find joy in the work.

And when that time comes, I'll be ready to move to a small oceanfront condo someplace where the smell of the salt and the sound of the waves will calm me - and the ocean itself will provide me with everchanging scenery, even if I can't leave home.

9/13 Thursday Thirteen

In the constantly changing internet world, its a relief to find something that remains the same.  There is still a Thursday Thirteen website and meme.

And so, I will use that fact to sanction today's list of random bits and pieces from the week just past.....and perhaps at some later point I'll expand on one or more of the items ;)

1.  I called my XX back - got an automated attendant that gave a different number and hung up - not realizing until a bit later that he probably has calls transferred to his cell and so I could have left a message  But no matter - he'll see my # on the caller ID.

2.  Which brings me to how easy but at the same time difficult it is to stalk someone these days.  Sure, if they haven't blocked FB you can see all sorts of things, but I "think" there are widgets that let the page owner see who has viewed them - just as caller ID lets them see who has called.  There are surveillance cameras everywhere, so you can't get away with following them.

3.  None of the above is meant to suggest that I've ever stalked someone.  I did have a stalker once (well actually for a number of years and some pretty scary encounters)  - but that's its own blog someday.

4.  Work is actually pretty easy at the moment but I'm frustrated with all the drama - if people would just spend their time doing work instead of complaining about it - they would discover its not such a burden after all.

5.  Last night there was an actual herd of deer in my backyard - five of them - tonight only two - and they didn't come up close enough to get a good picture.

6.  That's actually a positive as the spray nozzle on my deer repellent seems to have broken so I can't properly protect my hosta - and because I'm a neat freak - I don't have any empty sprayers laying around - I'll have to pick one up tomorrow.

7.  I'm fighting a mole who has taken up residence in my yard - ironically right next to the Solar Mole Spike I installed a couple of months ago.

8.  Why is spellcheck questioning my use of the word "hosta" in #6?

9.  My summer bowling partner apparently had a seizure last week - his son says he stopped taking his medication.  If that's the case- its the fourth time that I can remember this same sequence of events - stop taking anti-seizure medicine - have seizure.   What is it with people who keep doing the same thing over and over thinking this time the result will be different.

10.  Which is perhaps a good segue into my XX.  We had great physical chemistry and made some great memories - but it was always me pushing him to go out and do things....he'd just as soon sit at home and get drunk.  I've told him a number of times that I just couldn't be in a relationship with an alcoholic but in hindsight, that really wasn't and isn't the problem/

11.  The problem is that in the 11 years since we broke up, I've gained the confidence to be able to do what I want on my own, instead of waiting for someone to join me.  Granted, I'm still not much for going to sporting events or concerts alone (witness me skipping Richmond last weekend) - but each time I overcome my fear and just do something - its a good experience that helps moves me forward.  I don't want to be held back by a partner that only shares my physical, not my mental passions.

12.  Back to shallower thoughts.  I had an appraisal this week - hopefully it will come in high enough that I can refinance - the lower rate means I could spend the same each month but pay the house off much sooner. The appraiser mentioned that if I added heat to my enclosed sideporch, it would count as living space and increase the value of my house a good 5K if not more.  All that would involve is cutting a hole in the wall and flipping existing ductwork outward....something I might even be able to do myself.

13. Which reminds me - wonder if XX is still handy with gas engines?  My lawnmower hasn't worked since early spring and I'm not comfortable taking it apart to try to figure out the problem.

Hope all of you are having a good week......I'm off to Kerfuffle with my friend Steph on Saturday, and then Myrtle Beach with my BB and another close friend on Sunday.......life is sweet these days.....

What is time?

This isn't my picture....but this morning I looked out and saw a butterfly enjoying breakfast at my hummingbird feeder.  I'm glad it got some use - this year I only saw a hummingbird out there once.

But I was thinking - we're into September now and so this butterfly doesn't have long left to live.

Which led me to wonder - do butterflies have any sense of time, and if so, how does it work for them?  When you only live for a few months, does every day stretch out like years would for us?

And at the opposite end of the spectrum giant tortoises can live for two hundred years or more (though Lonesome George was only estimated to be a hundred when he passed on earlier this year).  So I wonder, how does time work for them?   Lonesome George got his name not only because he was the only one of his species, but because he mated so rarely......and maybe if we knew we'd still be "active" fifty years from now -we might be choosier about our own partners ;).

I remember my grandmother once commenting about how all of her friends had died and she was the only one left.  I know it troubled her at times, but she still kept on keeping on until her 90s. 

And now, sometimes I look at my life and worry that I only have "a few" good years left.....and regret that I didn't use those earlier ones as well as I should have.  But then again, I think about events in my past and am amazed that they happened so long ago.

I hope that butterfly is able to just exist in the moment......and that's something I need to work harder at myself.

9/8/12 - Weekend XXXX Beer - Woody Creek White

I like to support local craft brewers, and that's easy to do with Frederick based Flying Dog Brewery.  Not only do these folks have a sense of humor (as evidenced by the name of my favorite IPA, Raging Bitch),  but they make some really good beers.

I was in the checkout line at Corridor (soon to be changing its name to Total) wine when I spotted this cute little bottle sitting on the shelf.........and it jumped onto the counter.  Actually, I helped it a bit - but still - I was curious about wit beer, which is described by Beer Advocate as

"A Belgian Style ale that's very pale and cloudy in appearance due to it being unfiltered and the high level of wheat, and sometimes oats, that's used in the mash. Always spiced, generally with coriander, orange peel and other oddball spices or herbs in the back ground"

I happen to love wheat beers especially in warm weather - in fact my current stash is heavy on the Sierra Nevada Hefeweizen which has become my alcoholic warm weather beverage of choice  if I'm not feeling winy.

And I absolutely adore this Woody Creek White- so much so that I'm going back to the store tomorrow to see if they have any six packs left.

 I'm not very good at explaining what I am tasting, so let me give you the "official" word..

"Completely cloudy from the yeast, very pale yellow color as well. The lace has no problem sticking around, even after a few big sips. Big and balanced aroma of coriander and orange peel, with a soft graininess and nutty yeast in the back. Thick layers of citrus and coriander hit the palate hard up front; a mild hop bitterness and a toothy graininess help keep everything level. A bit of bitterness from the coriander toward the end, with a harder citric tone. Finishes dry with a nearly clean aftertaste."

Why don't I blog like I used to?

Why don't I blog like I used to?

I can't count the number of times that I've been sitting at the computer and the thought of blogging has crossed my mind but didn't make it to my fingers.

Part of the reason is Facebook - because there all my friends can stay updated on what I'm doing and what I'm thinking and it seems duplicative (is that a word?) to do the same in a blog.

Part of the reason is perimenopause, which seems to be the catchall description for women of a  certain age who can't just gracefully go to the no more "Aunt Flo" stage of life.  Yes, I know I should be grateful for continuing to be "regular" with no hot flashes - but the mood swings are pretty hateful...not to mention the "benign cysts" that are of no concern except that they need to be monitored which means more frequent mammograms and a new invasion of privacy -the sonogram.

I know, I should be grateful that medicine has evolved to the point that if I was to develop breast cancer it would likely be no more than a minimal interruption in my life - not the actual end.

And I am grateful, but at the same time frustrated that things I took for granted aren't nearly so easy anymore.  My knee starts to worry me about the third game of bowling and I have to pull my reading glasses out a LOT.

There's the PMS kicking in again, sigh.  I have so many wonderful things in my life that I need to focus on - but often all I can see is what I don't have.  The rational part of Em knows this, but the raging hormonal part just won't let it go.

But eventually, this too shall pass - right?

 

You've got to make your own kind of music.....

sing your own special song......(The Mamas and the Papas)

It was a gorgeous day here in Maryland - sunshine, low humidity, temperature just about perfect.  I mowed the lawn, took some branches off my crepe myrtle, planted a couple of daylilies that I found on clearance and took Batcat for a walk.

And as I was relaxing on the back deck, pondering how much it would cost to turn it into a screenroom, I looked up and noticed a couple of magnolia blooms on my tree.  That's very odd because the tree is a spring bloomer - I guess these two buds got confused.

Unexpected and wonderful because its different.

Something I need to remember - that its more than OK to be different, as long as you are yourself.

PMS, Anyone?

This happens to be one of my favorite IPA's but it also accurately describes my attitude this evening.  (sidenote - what is this - cheerleaders at the Olympics?)

Yep , Aunt Flo must be on her way for the 470th time.  OK, so I don't know its exactly the 470th time-  I just did a rough calculation.

But still - there are a LOT of things in my life I haven't done near that many times - like eat crabs or go to the movies.  I know I haven't bought that many pairs of shoes or wallets or handbags or even jeans.

Which led me to calculate that I've probably spent more than fifteen hundred dollars on products to take care of these visits......and another two thousand or more on assorted pain and cramp relievers not to mention the things I've had to replace due to stains, sigh.

And then there's the emotional cost -  the romantic possibilities that didn't occur, the issues with coworkers, and the need to beg for forgiveness from my friends and loved ones - all due to evil hormones.

As I watch NASA and JPL proudly post pictures of the Martian landscape , I have to think that if men menstruated, our brilliant researchers would have found a way to stop it decades ago ;)

A Wonderful Life

San Antonio, TX

Nashville, TN

Atlantic City, NJ

Today I was printing out some photos for my bedroom travel gallery and I had one of those "aha" moments. 

 

I spend too much time thinking about what I don't have, and not nearly enough reflecting on what I do have.

 

I don't have a life partner which sometimes keeps me from going out and doing things because its not so much fun alone - and has me wondering what I'm going to

do if a time comes when I need help looking after myself.

 

I don't have a great body - or even a properly sized one , I'm much too fat and although I'm blessed with good health, excess weight leads to higher risks for about everything which is more likely to cause me to need help looking after myself (see #1 above)

 

And I could go on and on, but you get the point. 

 

Now, I don't believe for a minute that I should give up on ever losing weight, or finding a partner, or any of the other things that I don't have but would like to.  Goals are important to me - in fact, I found myself a bit lost once I finished school after all those years - I need to find something else to strive for longterm - maybe retirement - maybe a change in career - maybe a new hobby. 

 

But I have so many wonderful things in my life as it is - a truly amazing son, dil, and granddaughter who make me proud - a brother who may drive me nuts, but is always there for me, and the furballs who worship my existance (or so I tell myself).  Then there's my best friend who has put up with me for more than forty years how.

 

I've visited many  different places, and met lots of special people, many who have become good friends.  And because I have my health and adequate income, I can keep on travelling to visit those friends and even make new ones.

 

Happy accidents brought me my dream career and my dream house - and all in all, its pretty close to a dream life......something I will try to appreciate every day.

 

 

 

I LOL'd at my desk after seeing this - and it reminded me that one of these days I am going to attempt to bread my cats because I think they deserve to be embarassed all over the interwebs.

Busy week - actually busy two weeks around here.  At the office, my team leader is on a welldeserved two week vacation, but trying to cover a third more work during our busy time means a lot of extra hours.  Combine that with me trying to take care of a lot of emergencies that I've gotten assigned because I'm the path of least resistance and it hasn't been pretty.

I'll confess that I have a bit of an attitude as well....I'm tired of  rules that seem to be created randomly, not written down, and only shared with a select few while the rest of us get blindsided.  I'm tired of watching people toss blame around and spend more time trying to get out of doing something than it would take to handle it.  And mostly, I'm tired of being appreciated by everyone in the place except my manager.  Things move slowly here, so it could still be another month or so before I hear about the job I applied for - but its becoming very clear that if I want to grow my career - I have to stretch myself and look elswhere in this organization.  Scary but necessary - at least I was smart enough to get the credentials (and make the contacts) that should help me do that.

Dad is not as sharp mentally as I'd like him to be.  I'm hoping that some of that is due to being taken care of for several months - that he didn't have to think, so he didn't.  He has started to drive me nuts with calls at work and my brother is going to once again reiterate that the only calls to our workplace should be true emergencies.    I think the idea is "If you are going to live in that house on your own,then you have to be able to handle day to day life on your own - your kids will help when possible, but they cannot be at your service 24/7 - for that you need to move to assisted living."

I want him to be where he's happy - but he also needs to be safe and healthy - I guess time will tell.

I broke my netbook while installing new memory - only broke a silly little connector - but it means I had to order a whole new motherboard.....lesson learned - even if you are following instructions - read them all the way through - I really didn't even have to take that part off in the first place.  Once the new boar comes,.I'm going to ask my computer weenie friend to do the install this time around. 
Good news is that the part was only 40 dollars -some are much, much more.

While I'm shopping,I think I'm going to buy a new keyboard.  This one is hard to type fast on - and its driving me nuts.  Life is too short to deal with this sort of crap.  In fact, I think I'll head out to Best Buy now......

7/15 - Battle of the Birdfeeder

Round 1 goes to either the deer or the squirrels - I'm pretty sure a deer pulled the feeder off the tree - but the squirrels definitely gnawed their way in once it hit the ground.  So, it was off to Lowes to buy another one. I did manage to keep this one safe for two years so I bought the same model again....but this time I added some deer/squirrel/raccoon repellant - we'll see if that helps deter the woodland critters.

Yesterday was clean the house day - something overdue since I had been out of town two of three weekends and the other I was powerless for much of it.  I forget how satisfying it is to wake up in fresh sheets and beautiful surroundings and discover I'm in my own home rather than a hotel or a friend's guest room.

And today was clean the outdoors day.  Granted it was a bit muggy, but I got the backyard mowed, the collected branches chipped, and the roses/flowers cut back before the storm hit.  Not that it's really a storm - some thunder and a bit of rain....unfortunately I don't think it will amount to much and we really do need rain.

I also found time to get my hair cut....paint my nails....and book a September flight to Charleston for a beach adventure with my BFF thanks to an awesome Southwest sale.

7/12 - Catching up is hard to do

I didn't check to see how long its been since I blogged - but I am sure it's been a while.  It seems like all I did was whine about Dad or about work or about something......and then I eventually got too busy to even do that......

But let me summarize the past few weeks.....

I finished my last class and have my MBA

My dad was released and went home.  He can't walk, but he seems to be managing OK with a wheelchair.....time will tell if he really can live alone long term.

Even better, my brother has stepped up and is taking on a major share of the effort involved in keeping him in his house - he's doing the shopping, making changes to the place to help Dad get
around, and most importantly - he's setting boundaries so Dad doesn't drive either of us nuts.

I had two great short vacations....first I went to Charleston and visited my best friend who bought  condo and needed some help unpacking and making some minor fixes.  We changed out some light fixtures, updated vertical blinds, hung curtains - and the place looks really nice.  Plus it was great to escape from the stress of home and have some quality girl time.

Then I headed out to Indiana to visit my friends Amy and Bob.  I met Amy through an online blogging site a few years ago - she and her husband came out to DC for a couple of days last spring and they had a good enough time to invite me out their way.  The "official" reason for visiting was the Madison Regatta - which involves the fastest powerboats I've ever seen.....kind of like NASCAR on the water.  But there was kayaking and fossilhunting and shopping and grilling.....and I got to meet the ducks and the chickens and the goats and the cats and the bunnies - and Rocky the wonderdog.

Its amazing and wonderful how the internet has helped me meet and become friends with people I would never have come across ordinarily.....and my life is much richer for it.

And so I'm going to try, once again, to do better with my blogging.....

June 17th - Fathers Day (and other stuff)

This delightful picture came from George Takei's FB  page.  You should check him out - he's awesomely funny.

So today was Fathers Day.  I stopped by to see my Dad in the nursing home but he was off having therapy and rather than hunt him down I just wrote a note on his newspaper and left it along with some envelopes (he'd asked for them yesterday).

My relationship with my father is complex from my perspective, but probably quite simple from his.  I'm his child - he brought me into the world so its my job to honor him and provide assistance as needed when requested.  He loves me, and he's glad I'm around to help him out - especially since my mother is gone.

From my perspective, the more time I spend with him, the more I see things I don't like.  He's demanding and selfcentered.  Every conversation we have is all about him - occasionally we might talk about me, but it generally turns itself into a discussion of something similar he experienced.

It is every bit as difficult for me to deal with him as it was to deal with my mother in her last year. 

The difference is that I didn't like my mother very much, but looking after her brought us closer. I learned to forgive and accept, and I think I was able to give her some comfort and let her know she was loved before she died.

With my father - he seems to suck up all I give and want more.  My brother says he sees my mother in me and that's why I'm subject to long tirades about what is wrong with the nursing home and the way they are treating him (not just when I visit, I get calls at work as well), and more details about the personal aspects of his life than I feel are necessary.

But I'm not married to him, and the longer this goes on, the more I understand how alcohol found its way into my mothers life....how on earth could anyone endure him for so many years without some chemical help?

There's other memories, other things from the past, but the bottom line is that I really don't like my father very much.  So it doubly sucks that I'm expected to handle everything. 

Let me take that back - my brother says that I take it upon myself to do too much, and that I should just sit back a bit and not stress myself out so much.  Of course, my brother didn't sit in the emergency room with me a couple of months ago when Dad was in there with kidney issues (since he didn't answer his phone to know about the ER visit).....and he didn't visit nursing homes to decide where to put him....and he didn't buy clothes and run errands and clean the piles of rodent dropping infested junk at Dad's house so he has enough room for a bed downstairs.

But through a lucky accident - brother may have to walk the walk.  I'm heading down to Charleston on Wednesday - and I won't be back until the 25th.  Dad's having surgery Thursday and he thinks he's going to be released the week after.  We've agreed that my brother will pick him up, take him home,and get him settled in when he's released, and when I heard my Dad say "I'll go over all the things he'll need to bring and all the things I'll need him to get me when he comes next week"  I'm thinking I need to be out of reach for that event as well.

In other news- Son, DIL, and little IM stopped by for a visit and to pick up the pink car seat that I'd bought last year....seems she's growing out of their original one.  They weren't wearing their matching Fathers Day outfits - but I did swipe a pic off their FB page.

6/06 -- Things can only get better

...And do you feel scared - I do
But I won't stop and falter
And if we threw it all away
Things can only get better....

Life has ups and downs, and I have to say the start of this week was a whole lot of downs....

Monday morning I woke up to a dead battery in my car - fortunately I have AAA so an hour and a hundred and some dollars later I was on the road to work. 
Where I found the power was out for an hour and a half.

Yesterday I had gum surgery - when my peridontist got in there he reported that I had decay in the root of the tooth - since I'd had a root canal I wouldn't feel any pain, but it will eventually break - and if my regular dentist can't figure out how to fill the gap, we're looking at an implant or a bridge - both of which are pricey.

When the novocaine wore off it ached quite a bit and I was looking forward to a quiet evening - but then my Dad called to chatter about his rescheduled prostate surgery date.  He announced that he'd left a message for me at work as well - I reminded him that I had told him I was going in for gum surgery and his reply was - I know, but I wanted to make sure I told you about the change right away.  He never even asked about how my surgery went or how I felt.  Oh, and this procedure wasn't covered by my insurance, so it was the equivalent of the six day Bermuda cruise I've been lusting after lately, sigh.

OK - so it hasn't been a great start to the week - but I really need to remember how lucky I am all things considered.

I could afford the new battery without having to go without anything else.

I knew about the surgery and again, I could afford it - and a year from now a trip to Bermuda would just be a memory while I'll be looking at (and using)  my teeth every day.

My dad - well he's old and self centered - but he can only bother me if I let him.  No one is forcing me to answer the phone - if its an emergency, the nursing home would call my cell anyhow.

There wasn't all bad in the week....

I have lost 10 lbs in about five weeks which makes me really happy because I"m not feeling like I'm on a diet - its just using a bit more common sense than I have in the past - Weight Watchers really is working for me. 

I have an interview next week for a transfer position which has more potential for advancement and puts me in a group with a lot of talented professionals that I respect......and unlike a regular job interview, its a no lose because I'm safe in the job I have now.

And I headed out to weedwhack the jungle that passes for my back yard - as it turned out it wasn't nearly as difficult as I expected - in barely half an hour, all of the briars and brambles are cut down.

Like attracts like - so if I can just accentuate the positives - things will only get better :)






 

There's a little black spor....

There's a little black spot on the sun today.......(Police, King of Pain).

I'll be singing that song on Tuesday when we experience a Venus Transit....although if my eclipse viewing glasses don't arrive in time, I'll just be watching it on TV.

We had some pretty turbulent weather Friday - torrential downpours, flickering power, some tornado warnings....but all's well that ends well.  I didn't bowl particularly well, but did what I needed to in the clutch and we won all our games.  I got drenched visiting Dad, but I made the trip.....and then when I got home from bowling he'd left a phone message asking for something or another.

Which reinforced the idea that maybe my brother is right - I"m doing too much and it's just not good for me.  I visit five times a week and Dad has managed to call me with an additional demand on my "off days".   My brother tells me that he actually talked to him on Thursday and they agreed that he needed to respect that I had my own life to live and he should't put so much on me -but clearly that went in one ear and out the other.

Mind you, I still don't agree with my brother's attitude towards our father and I know darn well he doesn't agree with mine......but we respect each other and have the same goal - which is to do what needs to be done to respect Dad's wishes while still keeping him safe.  I am grateful to have someone to share the burden with whether or not I like his methods of doing so :)

Today was Dad's 82nd birthday.....I brought him lunch including some cheesecake (probably his favorite food in the world), and sat and listened to him for a while. The care center is looking after him well - they even acknowledged his special day, and  I'm pleased for that assurance that the people care about more than just their paychecks.

My brother is right about one thing - I do need to step back.  Dad's sucking up way too much of my time and energy and it's only getting worse, not better.  So, I'll cut back on my visits - take Saturday for myself as a start.....give him back whatever he's willing to handle, and set boundaries on his interference on the things I need to handle.

Up until the "dad thing" I was in a great place in my life - in fact, I'm still in that great place but there's just interference from all this other stuff that I must remember is a choice - not a requirement.

Weather was great today and should be the same tomorrow - time to let go and enjoy......

Imagine all the people, living life in peace.....

It's Memorial Day in the US - one of the holidays where we honor those who have served our country, particularly those who have paid the ultimate price and lost their lives to protect us.

And as grateful as I am to the men and women who serve in our military, I can't help but wonder why human beings haven't managed to figure out how to coexist without the need for war.

For that matter, the richest and most successful countries in the world don't go to war with each other - its always the poorer or less educated ones that do so......and then us rich folk choose a side and jump in to help.

OK, we went to war in Afghanistan because we were attacked by a terrorist and the foreign government insisted on protecting that killer rather than turning him over.  But how did that turn into our long term presence with no end in sight, particularly since Bin Laden didn't even end up being in the country?  Ironically, the country that was harboring him for so many years is one of our allies in the region.  

But Korea and Vietnam and the Gulf War, and the conflict in Iraq...........just about everything since World War II has been based on something other than the US being attacked.    So what would happen if our policy became like Switzerland or some of the other neutrals - we will support our allies with fundingand weaponry but we will not protect them with our own troops -nor will we ever attack another country unless we are attacked first.

Not going to happen - it seems to be in human DNA to fight....but its a shame we can't evolve into a cooperative world.

In other news....I've been on Weight Watchers for 4 wks and have lost a bit more than eight pounds.  I wish I was losing faster.....but on the other hand this really is a lifestyle, not a diet, and I've been able to eat anything and everything that I like and even on the days that I've "overdone" it - I've still been able to stay within my total weekly points without feeling deprived.

So I will stay with it and do my best to be patient and keep remembering that it will take just as long to lose as it did to gain.....and quite likely longer because I'm older with a slower metabolism.

In Dad news......I visited my brother and had one of those kinda sorta meltdowny things based on frustration that my brother just doesn't get me - and I don't get him either.

 His solution for dealing with my Dad is to stop doing so much......but what he doesn't see is that thats exactly what runs in our family - people decide they just can't or won't deal with a situation and leave it to work itself out.

My solution is to do what needs to be done in the short term, but then set rules and stick to them moving forward.   He sees me as condescending and disrespectful to my father- I actually see myself as setting limits to what I will accept ,while I see him as ignoring unpleasant things by avoiding them.

 There were some odd moments where he was hugging me (my brother is not a demonstrative sort at all - hence the odd)......and although I hate to break down, I think he needed me to do that so he could see me as being less than perfect.  But when it comes down to it, we respect each other.......so its all good.

As for Dad, we'll see.......he still seems to think he'll be fine back in his house.....I have my doubts - but he needs to try it on his own - if he can't manage better than he was before he fell in terms of hygiene and such......then he'll need to hire inhome care or go to an assisted living facility.  Spending as much time with him as I have lately has reminded me that our relationship is much better in small doses.

5/25 - Bad Girl.....

Talkin' bout bad girls, yeah.

In the space of only a couple of weeks we lose Donna Summer and Robin Gibbs - not to mention local favorite Chuck Brown.  I don't listen to disco anymore......haven't watched Saturday Night Fever in probably 20 years.....and the only mirror ball I've seen lately is the trophy on Dancing with the Stars.

 When the artists of my youth leave this world, its a reminder that like everything and everyone in the world, I'm getting older.  Its funny how that works - I'm not much for recalling the details of my past, but in my head its very easy to slip into the general theme of each era.....I remember hanging out in the local clubs dancing to bands covering KC and the Sunshine Band and the Commodores - and I can still sing the words to darn near every dance hit recorded during the late seventies and early eighties.

So when news came out about Donna Summer's death and the tv and radio started playing Last Dance over and over as a tribute to her (personally, I would have chosen Hot Stuff, but what do I know).....I'd happily sing along as I was transported back to my late teens.  Then I'd catch a glimpse of my current self in the mirror and come crashing back to reality.

Which is not to say that I am not happy with myself and my life at this moment.....its just that my brain feels so much younger than my body - particularly after bowling night, lol.  And when I'm reminded that more of my life is now in the past than will be in the future - its a bit frightening.  Not that I'm afraid of dying - its rather that I'm worried about the what could happens between now and that point.

I've watched my father grow older and he's been accepting of his limittions as they occur - he's never been one to fight to try to improve his physical condition- rather he finds alternate ways to accomplish what he wants to do - and he just doesn't bother about the rest.   Its rather a frustrating head in the sand approach from my perspective, but in hindsight, thats been my families modus operandi for as long as I can remember.  Unfortunately as he has been "decaying" his house has as well. 

The nursing care center has been working hard with him - providing daily therapy and so he's actually much stronger physically than he was even 10 years ago.  With their encouragement and assistance he's taking better care of his personal grooming, and because there aren't as many TV channels available as at home, he's actually reading books again.

I wish there was the same sort of care center for his house.  I'm not a clean freak though I do crave order in my world - but the crap (and sadly that's not just a figurative term) that I've been having to deal with to create a habitable bedroom and bath on the main floor has been truly hellish for me.  Its not near the nightmare that is filmed for TV shows like Hoarders, but I'd say its about halfway there.

But its really not just about the sorting and the cleaning, though it's not a pleasant task for me.

Its about having to face things that I'd chosen to ignore and avoid for many years.   The house didn't suddenly "turn bad" when my father got older - it started when my parents started to no longer care about their surroundings - and although I can't put my finger on the exact date, I'm pretty sure it happened before I hit my teens.  My parents were both heavy drinkers - my mom an alcoholic who couldn't stop- my dad, a man who chose to drink his way through life until my mother died and I delivered an ultimatum - I couldn't deal with another drunk - he could choose the bottle or me and no hard feelings either way.

Oddly, I didn't remember that until just now and had to stop and rethink it a few times to make sure it really happened.  But it did.....and at the time I thought he'd choose the booze and was actually OK with that because I was furious with him for a number of things related to my mothers eventual death from cirrhosis.

Its funny how things work....this was not at all the blog I intended to write.  The "Bad Girl" reference was to me not blogging as frequently as I intended - and it was going to be followed by an explanation of how full my plate is these days and how there really wasn't anything to say.

But I guess there was after all.  I suddenly know that I can't avoid and ignore - that I have to do something going forward........I've just got to figure out what that needs to be.

Em's Perfect Weekend

If I was asked to define a perfect weekend - I'm not sure I could come up with an answer.  You see, for me perfection is one of those things that I can't explain in advance - but I sure know when I find it.

And this weekend truly has been perfection.....or at least there have been such a ridiculous number of perfect moments that if there was anything "less than" - it didn't have room to stick in my mind.

We'll start with getting out of work early on Friday and finding time to get the lawn mowed and trimmed......and then heading off to bowling where I shot

MY BEST SET EVER  -  193,215, and 226 for a total of 634.   OK, but bowling is a team sport and I'm pleased to report that we won all three of our games.

Then there was the DC 101 Chili Cookoff.  I went with my friend Stephanie who is a music geek, but not the intimidating kind - just someone who loves music and knows a lot about it.  She's also really outgoing and will talk to anyone about anything which is why she turned me into a folk hero with the very young folk sitting behind us.  Not a folk hero because we shared our beer, nor because we passed around shots of Pussers Rum which Steph introduced me to and it truly is the most remarkable rum on the planet.

Nope - I am a folk hero because I saw Frank Zappa and the Mothers in concert in 1975 - and I never imagined that would earn me "cum laude" status with todays college students.  Imagine if I'd slept with him ;)

So we fast forward to Sunday.  My son had messaged me to ask what I wanted for Mothers Day.  I told him a visit from him and little IM would be great - and if it included flowers - even more awesomeness.

He came through with both..........it really doesn't get any better than that.

Except that I'm now enjoying a nice glass of wine in some of the most gorgeous weather imaginable - so perhaps I spoke too soon.

Hope all of you are having a great weekend too.......

5/9 - I iz a crabby bitch

Today I was Ms Crabby Ass for sure.   I don't know if its hormonal or weather related (we've had clouds and rain for almost a week) or maybe just stress, but although I managed to be pleasant and helpful at work - when I visited Dad, he got on my last nerve and I was not as patient as I should have been.

I visit five days a week and its eye opening and a bit scary to see my father acting erratically on occasion and not having a clue about it.  Tonight I found him with a nail clipper in hand trying to pry the back off his cellphone to get the battery out so that he could charge it.  He's had this particular phone for at least five years - and he's charged it by plugging in a charger many hundreds of times - and he also has taken the battery out by sliding the cover down at least a dozen times as well.  Yet I had to explain to him that he should leave the battery in to use the charger......and I showed him how it displays "charging" when it is - and how he needs to leave it plugged in for a couple of hours.

And then I went to get his laundry and only found one set of clothes in the hamper - but I haven't picked anything up in three days.  So I asked him if he'd been wearing the same thing over and over -or if perhaps he'd had the facility wash some clothes for him....and eventually he figured out that he'd been stashing his dirty laundry in the back of the closet - and some of it was hung up on hangers.  (A jacket that I'd accidentally left there was also hung up in his closet - it seems that anything I forget gets claimed as his these days).  While he's figuring this out (and I'm being patient because I know that I need to let him do what he can on his own) he keeps knocking over the pile of scrap paper pieces that he's stacked on his bed tray table.  And I can't get the closet drawer open to put the clean clothes away for him because he's now collected three pairs of shoes stacked in the corner to go with the weeks worth of newspapers and the box that his new brace came in because he doesn't want to throw any of it out. 

The man's already hoarding in his nursing home room......a reminder that whatever cleaning and sorting I do at his house is only being tolerated - not appreciated, and the clutter and dirt will be back as soon as he is.  Granted the place isn't bad enough to warrant a Hoarders intervention - but I've come across mouse droppings in every single box, bag, closet, and corner that I've cleared out, and a lot of papers and photos are no longer recognizable as anything other than rodent nests.  Supposedly an exterminator was called in last fall and there are no more mice around.....and I sure hope that's right.

And then he starts to tell me how he is perfectly capable of going home and taking care of everything himself now - that he can get in and out of bed and walk around and dress and bathe and even climb stairs on his own - its just that their policy requires him to have help.  I don't argue about it because there's no point - he'll just get angry and accuse me of not being supportive.....and he takes my silence for disagreement so it ends up that way anyhow.

I know that I need to be kinder and more tolerant, and in years to come I'll look back and miss my dad and be grateful for the time we had together.  But right now, I'm just very tired.