June 17th - Fathers Day (and other stuff)

This delightful picture came from George Takei's FB  page.  You should check him out - he's awesomely funny.

So today was Fathers Day.  I stopped by to see my Dad in the nursing home but he was off having therapy and rather than hunt him down I just wrote a note on his newspaper and left it along with some envelopes (he'd asked for them yesterday).

My relationship with my father is complex from my perspective, but probably quite simple from his.  I'm his child - he brought me into the world so its my job to honor him and provide assistance as needed when requested.  He loves me, and he's glad I'm around to help him out - especially since my mother is gone.

From my perspective, the more time I spend with him, the more I see things I don't like.  He's demanding and selfcentered.  Every conversation we have is all about him - occasionally we might talk about me, but it generally turns itself into a discussion of something similar he experienced.

It is every bit as difficult for me to deal with him as it was to deal with my mother in her last year. 

The difference is that I didn't like my mother very much, but looking after her brought us closer. I learned to forgive and accept, and I think I was able to give her some comfort and let her know she was loved before she died.

With my father - he seems to suck up all I give and want more.  My brother says he sees my mother in me and that's why I'm subject to long tirades about what is wrong with the nursing home and the way they are treating him (not just when I visit, I get calls at work as well), and more details about the personal aspects of his life than I feel are necessary.

But I'm not married to him, and the longer this goes on, the more I understand how alcohol found its way into my mothers life....how on earth could anyone endure him for so many years without some chemical help?

There's other memories, other things from the past, but the bottom line is that I really don't like my father very much.  So it doubly sucks that I'm expected to handle everything. 

Let me take that back - my brother says that I take it upon myself to do too much, and that I should just sit back a bit and not stress myself out so much.  Of course, my brother didn't sit in the emergency room with me a couple of months ago when Dad was in there with kidney issues (since he didn't answer his phone to know about the ER visit).....and he didn't visit nursing homes to decide where to put him....and he didn't buy clothes and run errands and clean the piles of rodent dropping infested junk at Dad's house so he has enough room for a bed downstairs.

But through a lucky accident - brother may have to walk the walk.  I'm heading down to Charleston on Wednesday - and I won't be back until the 25th.  Dad's having surgery Thursday and he thinks he's going to be released the week after.  We've agreed that my brother will pick him up, take him home,and get him settled in when he's released, and when I heard my Dad say "I'll go over all the things he'll need to bring and all the things I'll need him to get me when he comes next week"  I'm thinking I need to be out of reach for that event as well.

In other news- Son, DIL, and little IM stopped by for a visit and to pick up the pink car seat that I'd bought last year....seems she's growing out of their original one.  They weren't wearing their matching Fathers Day outfits - but I did swipe a pic off their FB page.