6/19 - Wednesday Wonderfuls

I think I mentioned last week that I had lots floating around in my head that I wanted to blog....its just a matter of thinking it through and writing it down in a post here rather than some sort of a quickie Facebook Status.

But lots of really good things have been happening, in fact the word "wonderful" came to mind and then I thought its Wednesday today, so why not take advantage of a bit of alliteration.

First off - my petsitter is experienced with diabetic animals and administering insulin - she and her husband are coming by next week to reintroduce themselves to the furkids and make sure they know where everything is.  It's wonderful that I won't have to board poor Jezebel.

Then there's my upcoming trip to British Columbia.  I'm really excited to be getting to visit Carol and her family again as well as seeing Lisa and John.  Its such a wonderful accident that we met in the first place considering we live on opposite ends of the continent.  Credit goes to the internet for bringing us together, but keeping us that way is due to my two amazing friends and their efforts to keep our friendship growing (including bribing me with lots of gifts).

We are all hoping to meet up with Lady Expat - our online friend Nancie who lives in Korea but coincidentally will be in BC for a couple of the same days that we are.  And it is truly wonderful to meet online friends in person.....I've never had a bad experience - it seems that all the time we spend learning about each other online moves pretty seamlessly into face to face contact.

Next on the list is aerobics class which has started back up this week.  I know that's an odd thing to consider wonderful because I don't particularly like exercising - but its the people and the way I have so much energy after I've struggled through the routine.

And the weather here- which has been wet enough to help my garden grow  without watering - I had to stake the tomatoes over the weekend and there's a good chance I'll have some ready to pick in just a couple more weeks.  At the same time, its been wonderfully sunny when I needed it  - got the grass cut, some bushes trimmed, and its looking good at Chez Em.  The grass is in a lot better shape than it was this time last year - still with some clover and other weeds, but I tell myself baby steps.

There's more...but I'm typing this on my lunch hour which is just about over - so I'll just go with the best for last.  This morning my boss came in to see me with good news - he'd put me in for an award based on the work I've been doing facilitating a couple of programs here....and here our achievement awards are given in CASH.....can you say "wonderful"?

Hope things are going well for you this week...I wish more of my friends got back into blogging because its a bit lonely clicking link after link and seeing no updates.....but then again, we've always got Facebook.

On the third day of 2013 - I got

nada.....

Actually I've just run out of gas.  I was up at dark oclock to take my friend and houseguest Sharon to the airport - and as always when I have an early appointment I sleep fitfully because my subconscious is terrified that I'll oversleep.

I've lived alone most of my life and I'm always a bit nervous about having houseguests - because I want things to be perfect for them - and at the same time I'm worried about not having enough space to myself - and this one was particularly concerning because it was over the holidays which are always a stressor for me anyhow.

But it went marvelously well.....and looking back, I don't know why I ever had a doubt.  My friends know me and are OK with me just the way I am.  Or at least they are polite enough to pretend they are :).

And so every time someone comes to visit its just the right blend of us time, me time, and them time - with hugs and laughs and smiles and even the occasional serious moment mixed in. 

I have friends that I grew up with like my BFF Patti, friends that I met through other friends like Sharon and Stephanie, and even more friends that I happened across due to the magic of the internet.  But no matter how our friendship came about - whether we talk to each other once a day, once a week, or once a year - when we do get together its as if we never were apart.

Its quite amazing actually - I honestly don't know why my friends like me, but I'm humbled and grateful that they do.

And I'm also really tired.....so good night.....

 

10;/27 - Seasons change, people change

This time of year I can see all the way down to the creek, and it tempts me to put a bench down there so I can sit and think and listen for the quiet trickle of water over the rocks.  The few inches deep few inches wide flow of water probably doesn't even qualify as a real stream....but its more than a lot of folks get to have in their yard.

 

This is a blog that's been bouncing around in the empty spaces of my head for quite a while....but I wasn't sure how to put something so personal out there without sounding whiny - or worse yet, hurting feelings.  I eventually decided that I need to share - and that as long as I don't link it to my Facebook  its unlikely that anyone involved will come across it.  Sometimes its good not to have many readers ;)

 

Let's start with a confession.  I have not seen my granddaughter, my son, or my DIL since August 25th when I attended a family party for her first birthday.  I guess you could say that the party was an awakening for me of sorts as to where I fit in the family social order.....and the answer wasn't what I was hoping for.  I was there for about an hour and a half and in that time I got close enough to little IM to take some pictures - I didn't have a chance to pick  her up, hug her, or even talk to her - that priviledge was reserved for her mom's family.  I left before presents were opened - and unfortunately I didn't choose wisely enough because unlike the others, my gift didn't make the party pictures nor did I hear any comments about it being good or bad or anything else. 

 

I know from googling that its not unusual for paternal grandmothers to feel left out - daughters are generally closer to their moms and the whole baby/child raising thing tends to be centered around the women of the family.  In this case, grandmother provides day care so little IM actually spends more time with Moga then she does with her own mother.   That's actually what happened with my own son growing up - but his father made sure that there was frequent contact with his family as well, even after we separated.  So I don't think I'm being unrealistic in terms of how things should be.

 

When I stop and think about it all, I'm frustrated to tears because I've honestly done my best to build a relationship with my son  that consists of more than the obligatory Christmas visit, but it hasn't worked.  I am welcome to come over and visit my granddaughter on Tuesday evenings when they hold open house for their friends......but as far as the visits being reciprocated its just not going to happen.

 

Its not just me - I don't discuss them with my father....but I'm pretty sure he hasn't seen any of them (or even gotten a picture or an email or a  note) since his birthday in June. 

 

OK, now I'm starting to sound whiny and I really don't mean to. Well, maybe I do just a bit and I'm sorry - I'm human. 

 

Whats important and pleasantly surprising is this - as long as I don't think about it - I'm really not bothered.  I have an awesome life - friends that truly love me even though they don't have to - and people who I know will be there for me - all I have to do is ask.

 

And that really is the definition of family - it has nothing to do with blood and everything to do with love.  I'm worth spending time with - if some people don't see that - its their loss, not mine.

 

9/25 - I've got another confession to make........

(stolen from the Foo Fighters - but I digress)

I skipped my 35 year high school reunion this weekend.  Yes, I said THIRTY FIVE year reunion....so I'm old - its not like you didn't already know that - let's move on.

Why didn't I attend?

First off - it was a dinner dance which generally sucks for me without a partner because dancing in a group of women while the men look on isn't cute after a certain age - it becomes creepily like a strip club only without dollar bills being tucked into your bra, doncha think?

And, it was on a Friday night - which made me think that few folks from out of town were going to be able to attend......and lets face it - those are the ones I'd want to see - I run into the local folk occasionally and we'd probably already be hanging out on a semi-regular basis if we were "friends".

The last reunion I went to was my 25th - I went to the "informal get together" which was held, if memory serves, the night before the dinner dance - had pleasant conversations catching up with a few  people I hadn't seen since the 15 year event, and finished up by having a private reunion with an old friend.......and I'll just smile and leave it at that.

 Even though people seem to remember me as much more interesting and cool than I was....I still don't enjoy reliving the past.  I prefer to reinvent myself every decade or so......and what I"m working on for my 50s will get its own blog at some point, I promise.

OK - so I didn't go....

However, thanks to the brilliance of Mark Zuckerberg  (Happy Yom Kippur by the way), my graduating class has a Facebook page that's sharing lots of pictures of the event.

And you know what - I don't recognize most of the faces - and the ones that I do think I might know  look either really old or impossibly young - like I married (or became) a plastic surgeon/personal trainer- young.  This was such a shock to me that I mentioned it at aerobics class - how did these people get so old?  And of course my friends laughed because they are much too polite to point out that I am old as well.

It took me a bit to figure out why I was so shocked.  Its not that I am unrealistic about aging, honest.  I know I look a lot older than I did in high school - even a lot older than I did in my 30s - unless we have incredibly good genes and ridiculous willpower to avoid all the fun stuff in life that ages us - we are going to get and look older.

The shock came because I haven't had any contact with these people for a very long time - so my frame of reference and expectations are skewed.  Classmates that I socialize with either in person or through Facebook may have changed in appearance every bit as much over 35 years, but its been gradual and so really not noticeable.

Or maybe its just that my friends don't age like other people - they still all look amazing no matter what their birth certificates say.

And yes, I'm talking about you ;).....

November 8th - What a drag it is getting old....

40 with 11 years more experience.

Really though, I need to be honest with you guys - I am having a difficult time with the whole aging thing. Last year was easy - probably in large part because I was on a cruise ship preparing to swim with stingrays and climb Mayan temples.

This year, it's more about mood swings, weight gain, a bad knee, and eyesight that's still good enough to be horrified by all the new wrinkles I see in the mirror. And just to reinforce the whole gloom and doom mood, this weekend's mail included an offer to participate in a clinical trial for a new depression medication.

Did they key in on my birthday the way that AARP did and decide I must be depressed because I'm old? Perhaps someone at work thought I must be "off my meds" and recommended me. Or maybe it's just one of those random bulk mailers.

I can smile (well at least raise the corners of my lips a bit) now because I'm slowly finding my way back up into the sunshine, thanks to the amazing people I am lucky enough to have in my life.

First off, I get a whole slew of birthday greetings on Facebook...and I didn't think I'd even listed my birthday there - go figure. Then one of my friends mentioned my joie de vivre (if you don't read French that would be my love of life - not my big butt)....and another said I was one of their heros. I read a blog about how I'd introduced another friend to the wonder of having a hot tub and how much she was enjoying hers (even if she does have some issues with frostbite). And just now, I got a birthday call from my friend John in Australia - how cool is that.....

My son came over yesterday and helped make a big dent in the huge brushpile out back. Best of all he got the area cleared well enough that I can start tossing branches down across the creek rather than having to lug them up the ridiculously steep hill.

My dad was going to buy me a gas trimmer but instead he gave me money to buy exactly what I wanted......and so by this weekend I'll be taming the wilderness with a lot more power.

I even have enough money left to buy myself this concrete vibrator....

Someone please assure me that Harbor Freight hasn't really started selling marital aids.

Hmmm....looks like I'm only maturing in a physical sense, eh?