December 23rd - and the days go by

Picture from http://www.etsy.com/listing/16546291/karma-clock-8x10
It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up -- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.

- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Yesterday was a thoughtful day for sure - one of those where I wanted to record was was going through my brain, but at the same time I wanted to be mindful of not spoiling anyone's happy holiday mood........and then of course there was the problem of trying to translate my internal pondering into some sort of legible post.

It started with the news that one of our retired coworkers had passed away last night.  Miz Betty.....Miz being short for Missus - not to be confused with Ms or Miss.......Betty was married (and proudly so) to the same man for more than fifty years until his death.

We'd seen her at a luncheon just a couple of months ago.....at 87 she looked a bit fragile and talking to her I caught a hint of frustration that her body was letting her down and something else that I can only describe as being worn out  She'd buried a husband, a daughter, and a daughter in law, become a great great grandmother a few times....and confessed to me that she was having trouble keeping everyone's names straight.  I told her with the size of the family she'd created, no one could be expected to manage without nametages (six kids, at least two dozen grandkids and it goes up exponentially from there).

She was truly an amazing woman with a capacity for acceptance of others beyond anything I'd ever known.  She didn't have it easy - from financial issues due to a misinvested retirement, to a daughter's marital and childrearing troubles, to a husband who suffered from Alzheimers for the last few years of his life.  But she dealt with whatever life tossed her way with grace, charm, and a sense of humor.  And she gave the same acceptance and caring to all of us that she worked with.  My life is better for having known Miz Betty.

Everyone dies at some point, and I think deep down all that any of us can wish for is that we are remembered......and I've no doubt that she will be.  I started to think about the legacy I'd be leaving behind, and I'm not sure that it's what I want it to be - or even if I know what I want it to be - so it's something I'm going to ponder a bit in the new year. 

So, then I head over to my Dad's for a quick visit before aerobics class.  I don't think I had been sitting there more than about ten minutes before he asks me "What would you do if I died tonight?"

(The cosmos seems to have a rather warped sense of timing these days).

I said that I'd probably call the kids and tell them we were putting off Christmas for a bit.....but that all his gifts were returnable, so he shouldn't worry about me being stuck.

And then I asked him if he knew something I didn't - and if it was within his control I'd appreciate it if he'd hold off on dying a bit as I wasn't ready to be orphaned quite yet.

Well, it turns out that he must have been watching the financial channel or some such because his concerns were based on my mother still being listed on his house and how would I handle all the things that I need to do as his executor and was there anything he should be looking into to make life easier when he died.

Whew...........

Actually my father for all his clutter collecting is quite the organized person when it comes to personal financial matters.  After we struggled together through the puzzle of my mother's records.......he did a great job of creating a "box" which holds all of his important papers, lists all of his accounts, etc.  He even put some money in a joint bank account so that I could access whatever funds were needed to keep his utilities and such paid in case he became incapable of doing so at some point in the future.

I did something similar - a folder with my will and a list of all of my accounts sitting in my desk.  Although I haven't reviewed it since I came back safely from Egypt in 2006 and I imagine it could use some updating.

Anyhow, my dad and I talked a bit about his finances, and I told him everything seemed to be in order just fine, and that I didn't think it was necessary for him to retitle or move any assets around at this point.

So for whatever reason, life (and death) seemed to be the topic of the day - but rather than leave me feeling sad and afraid, I woke up with some goals to work towards in the coming year and beyond.

Embrace every day fully

Keep my affairs organized

and most importantly

Decide on my legacy and start making it happen

Let me close with the song that's been running through my head today.....

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful
wife
And you may ask yourself-Well...How did I get here?