I don't want to be an old woman, sigh.....

Probably everyone on the internet has seen the health care commercial using Michelle Shocked's song...

"When I grow up I want to be an old woman
When I grow up I want to be an old woman
Oh, an o-o-o-o-old, an old, old woman"

The premise of the song is awesome - that when you're old you've learned not to worry about what other people think and you are truly free to live your life however you choose.

And as I inch ever closer to "old woman" status, whatever age that is, I find myself becoming more comfortable and confident in my own skin.  Although I still believe that my current life is due more to a set of happy coincidences than any sort of planning on my part, I am able to accept rather than apologize for my good fortune.

But as I've learned recently,  being an old person isn't always something to smile about.  It can mean being dependent on others for basic needs such as bathing and eating.  It can mean losing the ability to walk, or even to communicate clearly.  And if you don't have the right kind of private insurance, it can mean that you don't even get to choose who takes care of you - you end up wherever a social worker is able to get you placed.

Reality hit me hard  when my father required surgery for a broken kneecap and a torn tendon in his leg.  As a polio survivor, he's struggled with a gradual decline in his mobility and balance for years - but the loss of use of  his "good" leg combined with a shoulder injury left him unable to walk or even get in and out of a chair without help.   So there was no way he could take care of himself - but the after effects of anesthesia combined with pain medication meant that he didn't understand and kept insisting that he wanted to go home.  That put me in the position of having to sort everything out and find him a place - and do all of this very quickly because insurance companies don't let hospitals keep people very long these days.

Reality 1 - you might be perfectly able to take care of yourself now - but there are no guarantees that it will always be that way.  If you are going to take issue with someone else making these decisions for you, then you need to figure out your plan now and review it periodically to make sure its still what you want and that you can afford it.

Check your insurance benefits now  because even my father's very good government retiree plan doesn't cover long term skilled nursing care.  Medicare Part A (the part that covers hospitalization) covers 20 days worth of nursing care - and then part of the next 80 days worth of care - but the copay is  about 150 dollars a day.  After Medicate coverage runs out - he either goes home - finds an assisted living facility at his own expense  - or he stays put and pays the full bill himself  until he spends down his assets and becomes poor enough for Medicaid.