Imagine all the people, living life in peace.....

It's Memorial Day in the US - one of the holidays where we honor those who have served our country, particularly those who have paid the ultimate price and lost their lives to protect us.

And as grateful as I am to the men and women who serve in our military, I can't help but wonder why human beings haven't managed to figure out how to coexist without the need for war.

For that matter, the richest and most successful countries in the world don't go to war with each other - its always the poorer or less educated ones that do so......and then us rich folk choose a side and jump in to help.

OK, we went to war in Afghanistan because we were attacked by a terrorist and the foreign government insisted on protecting that killer rather than turning him over.  But how did that turn into our long term presence with no end in sight, particularly since Bin Laden didn't even end up being in the country?  Ironically, the country that was harboring him for so many years is one of our allies in the region.  

But Korea and Vietnam and the Gulf War, and the conflict in Iraq...........just about everything since World War II has been based on something other than the US being attacked.    So what would happen if our policy became like Switzerland or some of the other neutrals - we will support our allies with fundingand weaponry but we will not protect them with our own troops -nor will we ever attack another country unless we are attacked first.

Not going to happen - it seems to be in human DNA to fight....but its a shame we can't evolve into a cooperative world.

In other news....I've been on Weight Watchers for 4 wks and have lost a bit more than eight pounds.  I wish I was losing faster.....but on the other hand this really is a lifestyle, not a diet, and I've been able to eat anything and everything that I like and even on the days that I've "overdone" it - I've still been able to stay within my total weekly points without feeling deprived.

So I will stay with it and do my best to be patient and keep remembering that it will take just as long to lose as it did to gain.....and quite likely longer because I'm older with a slower metabolism.

In Dad news......I visited my brother and had one of those kinda sorta meltdowny things based on frustration that my brother just doesn't get me - and I don't get him either.

 His solution for dealing with my Dad is to stop doing so much......but what he doesn't see is that thats exactly what runs in our family - people decide they just can't or won't deal with a situation and leave it to work itself out.

My solution is to do what needs to be done in the short term, but then set rules and stick to them moving forward.   He sees me as condescending and disrespectful to my father- I actually see myself as setting limits to what I will accept ,while I see him as ignoring unpleasant things by avoiding them.

 There were some odd moments where he was hugging me (my brother is not a demonstrative sort at all - hence the odd)......and although I hate to break down, I think he needed me to do that so he could see me as being less than perfect.  But when it comes down to it, we respect each other.......so its all good.

As for Dad, we'll see.......he still seems to think he'll be fine back in his house.....I have my doubts - but he needs to try it on his own - if he can't manage better than he was before he fell in terms of hygiene and such......then he'll need to hire inhome care or go to an assisted living facility.  Spending as much time with him as I have lately has reminded me that our relationship is much better in small doses.

5/25 - Bad Girl.....

Talkin' bout bad girls, yeah.

In the space of only a couple of weeks we lose Donna Summer and Robin Gibbs - not to mention local favorite Chuck Brown.  I don't listen to disco anymore......haven't watched Saturday Night Fever in probably 20 years.....and the only mirror ball I've seen lately is the trophy on Dancing with the Stars.

 When the artists of my youth leave this world, its a reminder that like everything and everyone in the world, I'm getting older.  Its funny how that works - I'm not much for recalling the details of my past, but in my head its very easy to slip into the general theme of each era.....I remember hanging out in the local clubs dancing to bands covering KC and the Sunshine Band and the Commodores - and I can still sing the words to darn near every dance hit recorded during the late seventies and early eighties.

So when news came out about Donna Summer's death and the tv and radio started playing Last Dance over and over as a tribute to her (personally, I would have chosen Hot Stuff, but what do I know).....I'd happily sing along as I was transported back to my late teens.  Then I'd catch a glimpse of my current self in the mirror and come crashing back to reality.

Which is not to say that I am not happy with myself and my life at this moment.....its just that my brain feels so much younger than my body - particularly after bowling night, lol.  And when I'm reminded that more of my life is now in the past than will be in the future - its a bit frightening.  Not that I'm afraid of dying - its rather that I'm worried about the what could happens between now and that point.

I've watched my father grow older and he's been accepting of his limittions as they occur - he's never been one to fight to try to improve his physical condition- rather he finds alternate ways to accomplish what he wants to do - and he just doesn't bother about the rest.   Its rather a frustrating head in the sand approach from my perspective, but in hindsight, thats been my families modus operandi for as long as I can remember.  Unfortunately as he has been "decaying" his house has as well. 

The nursing care center has been working hard with him - providing daily therapy and so he's actually much stronger physically than he was even 10 years ago.  With their encouragement and assistance he's taking better care of his personal grooming, and because there aren't as many TV channels available as at home, he's actually reading books again.

I wish there was the same sort of care center for his house.  I'm not a clean freak though I do crave order in my world - but the crap (and sadly that's not just a figurative term) that I've been having to deal with to create a habitable bedroom and bath on the main floor has been truly hellish for me.  Its not near the nightmare that is filmed for TV shows like Hoarders, but I'd say its about halfway there.

But its really not just about the sorting and the cleaning, though it's not a pleasant task for me.

Its about having to face things that I'd chosen to ignore and avoid for many years.   The house didn't suddenly "turn bad" when my father got older - it started when my parents started to no longer care about their surroundings - and although I can't put my finger on the exact date, I'm pretty sure it happened before I hit my teens.  My parents were both heavy drinkers - my mom an alcoholic who couldn't stop- my dad, a man who chose to drink his way through life until my mother died and I delivered an ultimatum - I couldn't deal with another drunk - he could choose the bottle or me and no hard feelings either way.

Oddly, I didn't remember that until just now and had to stop and rethink it a few times to make sure it really happened.  But it did.....and at the time I thought he'd choose the booze and was actually OK with that because I was furious with him for a number of things related to my mothers eventual death from cirrhosis.

Its funny how things work....this was not at all the blog I intended to write.  The "Bad Girl" reference was to me not blogging as frequently as I intended - and it was going to be followed by an explanation of how full my plate is these days and how there really wasn't anything to say.

But I guess there was after all.  I suddenly know that I can't avoid and ignore - that I have to do something going forward........I've just got to figure out what that needs to be.

Em's Perfect Weekend

If I was asked to define a perfect weekend - I'm not sure I could come up with an answer.  You see, for me perfection is one of those things that I can't explain in advance - but I sure know when I find it.

And this weekend truly has been perfection.....or at least there have been such a ridiculous number of perfect moments that if there was anything "less than" - it didn't have room to stick in my mind.

We'll start with getting out of work early on Friday and finding time to get the lawn mowed and trimmed......and then heading off to bowling where I shot

MY BEST SET EVER  -  193,215, and 226 for a total of 634.   OK, but bowling is a team sport and I'm pleased to report that we won all three of our games.

Then there was the DC 101 Chili Cookoff.  I went with my friend Stephanie who is a music geek, but not the intimidating kind - just someone who loves music and knows a lot about it.  She's also really outgoing and will talk to anyone about anything which is why she turned me into a folk hero with the very young folk sitting behind us.  Not a folk hero because we shared our beer, nor because we passed around shots of Pussers Rum which Steph introduced me to and it truly is the most remarkable rum on the planet.

Nope - I am a folk hero because I saw Frank Zappa and the Mothers in concert in 1975 - and I never imagined that would earn me "cum laude" status with todays college students.  Imagine if I'd slept with him ;)

So we fast forward to Sunday.  My son had messaged me to ask what I wanted for Mothers Day.  I told him a visit from him and little IM would be great - and if it included flowers - even more awesomeness.

He came through with both..........it really doesn't get any better than that.

Except that I'm now enjoying a nice glass of wine in some of the most gorgeous weather imaginable - so perhaps I spoke too soon.

Hope all of you are having a great weekend too.......