The lyrics are from a Disturbed song that I'm fond of. It begins with
"You walk on like a woman in suffering Won't even bother now to tell me why"
And that kind of says where I've been - wallowing in misery but not wanting to share because in the overall scheme of things - it is all quite petty.
I have to tell you that the whole poor, poor pitiful me thing can be seductive......and I was sucked in for a bit. But you guys are amazing. I don't know how you know whats up with me hundreds of miles away, but dammit - you do. I got private messages checking in on me, an unexpected phone call from a friend several time zones away.......and then I had the pleasure of a delightful in person therapy session with Steph this evening.
Truly I don't have the words to express how much I love you all - but please know that you really do make a difference in the world.
Now, my not being here doesn't mean that I wasn't thinking - more that I wasn't ready or able to deal with what I was thinking. Let's start with my health.
I'm fat but healthy.....no high blood pressure, no cholesterol issues, and I don't take a single prescription drug. Of course, I'm perimenopausal which seems to be showing its ugly self because I can't sleep the night through and I am so bloated that my rings stick.
And that probably means I'm hormonal as well, so every small slight turns into an egocrushing blow.
From that vantage point, it was pretty easy to work myself into a major pity party which required a large intake of badforme foods which leads to scale misery which encourages the poor pitiful me and the cycle continues.
Of course, in the context of the things my friends are going through: cancer, other diseases, lack of money, etc etc - this really is "no big deal - this too shall pass".
And that's the final reason I haven't been on here - because I knew, but wasn't ready to admit that my problems are really not a big deal
But I'm going to try to be back.......
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